[Monday Message] Regaining Personal Power

Dale Carnegie once said “Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration and resentment.” These are the things that sap our personal power. All three are a form of avoidance of being in the moment.

The overarching dilemma of life in today’s world is a disconnect from our power. The imbalance in the energy has created a situation where everyone, regardless of privilege, is unplugged. We are all meant to be powerful.

Power does not mean power over another; true power is personal power; it is an internal knowledge of our worth which allows us to be fully present actors in our own lives. It removes doubt, and removes the twin illusions of lack and fear. When we are truly powerful, there is no need to hoard that power, because it’s not anything anyone can take from us.

This power is inside us. It is not external. Once we become aware of it and plug into it, it permeates our being. It *is* us, as much as anything else we use to define ourselves. More, even. It is at the core of our identity.

This is how we disconnect

Worry is being stuck in our mental projection of the future; it is an unfocused state of fear. It is one thing to be stressed by something in your immediate now, it’s something entirely different to manufacture stress based on something that has not and is not happening. When we focus on the future, as opposed to our Now, we unplug from our personal power, because that only exists in the moment, where we physically are. It is truly the only moment that exists, everything else is in our minds. Each person has a finite amount of expendable energy at any given time. Worry will eat up some of that energy, giving you less to work with. This can lead to even more feelings of overwhelm, and more stress, which uses up more of your personal power. It is the ultimate ouroboros.

Resentment is being stuck in our story about the past. The Latin root of the word is sentir, to feel, so “resentment” is “to feel again”. If you’re feeling drained at the end of the day, it’s possible that you are depleting your energy stores by carrying resentment, which damages no one but yourself. It doesn’t affect whomever or whatever you think has caused the resentment in the least. Resentment frequently comes from a refusal to acknowledge (and accept) Truth. Sometimes that truth is that we played a part in setting up the situation that made us resentful to begin with. Sometimes the truth is that what someone said about us highlighted something that we don’t want to acknowledge. Sometimes the truth is simply that the negative ego has held this up as a perfect opportunity to play victim when we could be empowering ourselves instead. In any event, if you aren’t able to sit in the present with a situation, you will continue to feel it over and over again until something changes. That something is always going to have to be you, since you’re the one who is feeling the ramifications of the situation repeatedly.

Frustration comes from a lack of acceptance of what is. Acceptance, as I so often say, does not constitute consent. Accepting that something is does not mean you’re okay with it being so, merely that you are clear that it is so. Some people will find it easier to be in acceptance if they understand the root cause. Some people will have an easier time with it if they simply see it as a larger issue than a particular individual in front of them. Some people can actually find acceptance simply by realizing they need to. In any event, you can’t change something without first accepting it, because otherwise you’re trying to change something that doesn’t exist. You’re also going to continue to feel frustrated by the thing.

How do we stop giving away our personal power?

Part of our disconnection from our personal power can come from the idea that we have to respond to our situation. Sometimes, it’s okay to do nothing. Just breathe, feel your feet, let go of any negativity, and relax. If you can get away with not even saying anything, so much the better. If you do have to give a verbal response, try non-committal ones, like “I’ll have to get back to you” or “I hear what it is you’re saying” and leave it at that. When we get rid of the idea that there has to be an immediate response, we at the very least stop any stress that we’re putting on ourselves.

It is hard to realize that we have disconnected from our personal power until we are familiar with the sensation of being present.

  • Mindfulness is a great place to start. Here is an archive of my recorded mindfulness meditations.
  • Grounding is also an excellent tool.
  • Meditation helps you start to differentiate between who you are and your thoughts. Meditation helps you to not participate in your thoughts, to allow them to become not unlike a radio station playing in another room.
  • Gratitude is an important tool that helps you stay present; it helps you to be in that moment. There is always something about a situation that we can be grateful for, even if it the fact that adversity and resistance helps us to grow and become more than we are.
  • And then, there’s having appropriate boundaries.

  • In order to know what our boundaries are, it helps to think clearly, which often comes from grounding.
  • When you’re present, you have greater awareness of your personal red flags.
  • Once we know what our boundaries are, we take back our personal power by holding and honoring those boundaries. If you aren’t sure you have a right to your boundaries, you’re not going to be able to hold them. If you waffle about your boundaries, you’re not going to voice them, and you’re not likely to give them enough oomph to do anything. Honoring one’s own boundaries means holding them sacrosanct.

  • If you’re interested in doing some work on holding and maintaining your personal power, I have a 5 week workshop on Psychic Protection, which is in great part about boundaries, starting this evening (10/4/21).

    This post is part of a new series called Monday Message, based on that day’s reflection from 365 Days to Enlightenment (authorized versions are currently out of print, working on a new edition). Check back next Monday for another one! You can also sign up for the Daily Message on my mailing list if you’d like to receive a new reflection every day. I also often post them to Instagram and Twitter, if either of those is a medium you enjoy.

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