[Monday Message] Loving the Unlovable

When someone acts out, when they yell or conduct themselves with arrogance or are purposefully hurtful, it is usually because they are hurting in some way, whether they will admit it or not. Often that hurt has a fear underneath it. Our negative ego, spurred on by living under late-stage capitalism, tells us we are not enough, there is not enough, there will never be enough. Consequently, we fear that we are unlovable. It becomes very easy to get our feelings hurt.

We are all cells in the Body Divine. That means that we are all equal in value as human beings. When we judge someone, we dampen a little of our own humanity. When we decide that one group of people is less worthy than others, we dampen some of our own humanity. When we decide that someone is not worthy of compassion, when we deem them unlovable, we dampen our humanity. When we dampen our humanity enough, we live as animals, existing in a state of lack, snarling over the spoils.

If someone is in a bad place, what they need, more than anything else in the world, is love. Love can literally heal all wounds. If someone has hurt you, bless them; send them love. Ask for the grace to be able to send them love if you can’t get to the place yet. You are, after all, human. But aspire to send them love.

“There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in” – Leonard Cohen, Anthem

It may help you to remember that we are all broken in some way, that we all have our struggles. If you know someone is in pain, wouldn’t you at the bare minimum show them some sympathy? So when someone acts out, remember that it is because they are in pain, and you may be able to approach it differently.

  • Sympathy: I see what you’re going through
  • Empathy: I feel you
  • Compassion: What can I do to help?

  • If you choose not to do this, you generally get to sit in the pain and resentment that they have shared with you. Is that really where you want to stay? Sending them love heals you as well.

    Let your metric this week be compassion. At the end of each day, ask yourself where you treated people as equals deserving of compassion, and where you fell short of the mark; if you missed an opportunity, how would you have done it differently? Remember that, in order for this to work, you also have to treat yourself with compassion. You are on equal footing with everyone else. If there is a situation in which you consistently, immediately, go to judgment or take it personally, and you don’t know how to do it differently (getting cut off in traffic, for example), consciously decide to interpret what it is in the best possible way (in the traffic example, decide they have to go to the bathroom).

    I’ll say it again. We are all cells in the body Divine. We are all of equal value as human beings. We are each deserving of compassion.

    This post is part of a new series called Monday Message, based on that day’s reflection from 365 Days to Enlightenment (authorized versions are currently out of print, working on a new edition). Check back next Monday for another one! You can also sign up for the Daily Message on my mailing list if you’d like to receive a new reflection every day. I also often post them to Instagram, if that’s a medium you enjoy.

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