[Monday Message] Getting Comfortable with Others

How good are you at getting comfortable with others?

How do you feel in a crowd? Are you comfortable or anxious? Can you relax?

How do you feel at a small gathering? Are you comfortable, interested, engaged? Or are you shy and nervous?

How do you respond to meeting a new person?

It’s surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you’re not comfortable within yourself, you can’t be comfortable with others.
-Sydney J Harris

All three of these scenarios can tell you how comfortable you are in your own skin. Are you ready to look at that?

There are various reasons why you might be uncomfortable in your own skin, many of which boil down to trauma. We aren’t taught as children how to deal with trauma, because our parents didn’t have those skills either, so our wounds rarely get resolved in a healthy manner.

Unresolved trauma makes it hard for people to respond to what is going on in the moment, especially if what is going on now feels remotely like what created an old wound. Then that old wound is awakened, they react to whatever is going on now as if they were the person in that original trauma. Sometimes the trauma is so old that they become non-verbal, because the original event happened before they had a good grasp of language.

A blog post or reflection isn’t going to heal your trauma, that’s more directed work. But we can look at some of the symptoms and treat those.

If the messaging in your head that prevents you from being comfortable with others is that you are in some way “not enough”, doing estimable acts can help. Approach events with questions like “How can I help? How can I be of service? How can I leave this better than I found it?” By being of service, you feel useful, and people appreciate you, both of which can boost your self esteem.

If the feeling is one of overwhelm and uncertainty, and you have a concept of the Divine you work with, take a moment to breathe out the bad feelings and breathe in the energy of the Divine. Breathe it all the way down into the soles of your feet. Keep doing it as much as possible as you meet your obligations.

You can do this. You are a cell in the Body Divine. And as you do this work, you will find your comfort with yourself improves as well.

If you want to build more tools for dealing with unresolved trauma, I run a workshop on the second Wednesday of the month.
If you are looking for one-on-one healing work, reach out to me and we can talk about it.

This post is part of a series called Monday Message, based on that day’s reflection from 365 Days to Enlightenment (authorized versions are currently out of print, working on a new edition). Check back next Monday for another one! You can also sign up for the Daily Message on my mailing list if you’d like to receive a new reflection every day. I also often post them to Instagram, if that’s a medium you enjoy.

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