If you want to feel better about yourself, it helps to do estimable acts. Estimable are are those things which are going to make us better about ourselves in the long term. One of the main reasons that people feel poorly about themselves is because they don’t do the right thing. Consciously or not, this becomes an overwhelming reason to beat themselves up.
If this practice is new for you, you may want to know how to discern what those might be. Helping others, acting for the good of the community, operating according to your core values, being generous of spirit – all of these are estimable acts. In the moment, however, what is the best way to suss that out?
There is a difference between taking the action that is best for everyone involved and taking the action from a place of ego or selfishness. I mean, yes, obviously, but there is a difference in the body feel of the decision. When I contemplate an action that is based on ego, there is a grabbiness to it, a tension, an urgency; there are arguments about why I should do the thing. When I contemplate an estimable act, there is a peace around it. So when I am choosing what to do, I can check in with my body and choose the action that is going to make me feel better about myself, the action that will not bring up shame or guilt later down the road.
It helps to have a mindfulness practice, so that you know what it feels like it your body. If you’re not “good” at meditation yet, set an alarm on your phone and check in with how your body feels once every two hours or so. Notice what’s going on in your body when you wake up in the morning. Notice your body feel after a good meal. Notice your body feel when you are with people you care about. Notice your body feel when things don’t go according to plan. Just start to pay attention.
As an aside, guilt is “I did a bad thing,” and shame is “I am a bad person.” Neither feels particularly good, but shame is especially detrimental. Shame leads to self harm. Guilt can be easily fixed, but we don’t see shame as fixable when we’re in it. You are a cell in the Body Divine, equally as deserving love love, honor, and respect as anyone else. This is why I want you to feel better about yourself.
If you want to feel better about yourself, do good. Choose the higher path. Be honorable, even when it is inconvenient to do so. Especially when it is inconvenient to do so. Nothing will improve your view of yourself faster or more effectively.
Self esteem comes from estimable acts, pure and simple.
This post is part of a series called Monday Message, based on that day’s reflection from 365 Days to Enlightenment (authorized versions are currently out of print, working on a new edition). Check back next Monday for another one! You can also sign up for the Daily Message on my mailing list if you’d like to receive a new reflection every day. I also often post them to Instagram, if that’s a medium you enjoy.