I owe you a post about Pantheacon, which I attended this past long weekend, and I will get to it. However, I did enough personal work at the conference, that I actually managed to contract the dreaded “ConPlague.”
This seems like a good opportunity to remind you that any physical ailment has an emotional root cause. Whether it is a cold, the flu, a norovirus, a sprained ankle, a bad back, or a broken leg, using the physical as a clue to the emotional issue you are working, and then consciously doing the work, will promote faster healing.
Personally, I attended several shadow-self workshops, so I stirred up a bunch of goo I hadn’t been looking at. This is good. Knowing myself more thouroughly, in all my aspects, helps me be more effective on all levels. Looking at my syptoms gives me some clues as to what the issues are. First and foremost, ths seems to be an infection of the ear/nose/throat variety, so that’s throat chakra. The 5th chakra is responsible not just for the voice (being heard, voicing our truth), but for creativity, and for how we put ourselves out in the world. The blockage seems to be towards the back, so it’s definitely something I haven’t been willing (until now) to look at. There is some sensitivity in the ears, mostly on the right, so I would deduce that I need to be listening more to how I am being perceived as I put myself out there. The fever was giving me pain in my hips on both sides, so there was some issue with both flexibility and moving forward, on both the receiving/passive polarity and the action polarity. I was nauseous the first 24 hours, so there’s some ego/fear conflict going on (very common), and I’m getting some purging of old emotions.
I have had a theme, over the years, of being afraid of putting myself out there, of writing, and of teaching on a large scale. My variation on the fear of success, really, combined with a lifetimes-old issue of being afraid people won’t hear me, believe me, or take me seriously. I even have a very clear image of being shot in the throat with an arrow while teaching. I will remind you that, even if you have worked an issue extensively, there are always layers to that onion, and it may very well come up again. Don’t let your negative ego use this as an excuse to be discouraged; instead, think of it as getting that much closer to never havingto deal with the pattern again. Easier said than done, believe me, I know.
So, I need to open myself up to more feedback, and to evauate it objectively, without fear, listening for truth so that I can know myself better in all my parts. I also need to make a committment to myself to finish the books I’ve been working on, and put them out there. It’s probaby also time to get some articles published in other venues, and to submit presentations to more conferences and festivals. Knowing me, it’s probably time to get a mentor again. Asking for help is notone of my strong suits, and this will require additional courage to put myself out there, because there’s a level of responsibility that comes from asing someone to help you with career development, because it’s not fair to ask and then not follow through.
So, enough about me. What are you working on?